


Rebirth

by Accal1a



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Gen, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-17 19:36:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3541448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accal1a/pseuds/Accal1a
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Octavia often wished she'd never been born.</p>
<p>A brief foray into her mind during her life up until when she steps onto the ground in the Pilot episode.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rebirth

It wasn’t like Octavia was ungrateful. It wasn’t that she didn’t understand why it had to happen. It wasn’t even like she resented her family for hiding her.

But hell if she didn’t wish she wasn’t born at least once a day despite all of that knowledge.

The day that Bellamy had handed over the mask and told her she was going to leave the cabin was like all birthdays and Christmases rolled into one. Something so simple like taking a walk down the hall was a complete blessing. She hesitated on the threshold, unsure even with Bellamy’s support that this was something she could do.

The brief moment of dancing with other people her age and being anonymous was intoxicating.

Then to be locked up because she didn’t know her way home and couldn’t run when she needed to; to be responsible for Bellamy losing his job and having to clean for the rest of his life; to be responsible for her mother’s death; to see the look in Bellamy’s eyes when he came to see her on visiting day – he didn’t say it, but she saw the judgement there.

If she’d been quicker she wouldn’t be here. If she’d been more aware instead of just caught up in the moment she may have been able to map where she'd been walking and get under the floor like always. If she hadn’t agreed to his plan in the first place, their mother would still be alive.

The Skybox as boring, but not scary – she may be confined as ever but she never had to cram into a small space, never had to repeat the mantra she had often had to, she was as free as she ever had been. It was likely that when she came of age she would be set free. Her only crime having been being born and with her mother being executed for the crime she didn’t think it was likely they’d float her too but she wasn’t sure. Maybe the very fact that she was taking up resources would be enough to sign her death warrant.

It was a shock when they took them all out of their cells and told them to go strap themselves into this ship. The bite of the metal bracelet on her wrist was more confusing than painful and she followed directions to strap herself in. Any of the kids who fought were summarily put down and strapped in anyway. Octavia just went with the flow. She was surprised that they were wasting a ship to execute all of them but maybe that really was the most cost effective way to do it.

When Chancellor Jaha appeared on the screen and explained what was going on she couldn’t quite believe it to begin with. Going to the Earth seemed like a joke, something that her descendants would get to do, not something that 100 kids would be the first to deal with.

Then it hit her, they were expendable. That’s why they’d been sent down here. Who cared if they died?

She was struck then by the fact that she wouldn’t see Bellamy again. Would never laugh at his stupid jokes, would never be cheered up by his antics, would never be comforted when she was feeling down. He was now far above her head and completely unreachable.

She bowed her head and spoke the traveller’s prayer. She didn’t really believe like some of those on the Ark but she spoke the final line out loud. “May we meet again.” 

The boy sitting next to her looked up sharply at that and she saw the same realisation dawn on him as well. She gave him a small smile to let him know she understood and then the ship started to shudder and the only thing she could do was hold on and try not to be sick.

~~~

When they landed there was a lull where no-one knew what to do.

They all crowded around the exit door but no-one really wanted to open it, it seemed like accepting death and although they all understood now where they were no-one seemed keen to get it over with. Who knew how painful death by radiation would be?

When people started whispering about her she sighed, here we go again. She wanted to scream at them that she was just a person like they were, the fact that she was a second child didn’t make her magic or a demon or anything more than just a twist of fate. It wasn’t her decision to be born. She'd never wished she hadn't been more than at that particular moment.

Then she saw Bellamy and her heart skipped a beat. What was he _doing_ here?

Suddenly she knew that everything was going to be okay, it didn’t matter what was outside that door because she could face anything if he was by her side. When he asked her if she wanted to be remembered for something different she jumped at the chance to shed her old life and start a new one.

Her scream that echoed around the forest when she hit the ground was an outpouring of emotion that she had been holding in forever.

It meant “I’m free”; It meant “I’ve survived”; It meant “No-one can bring me down again”; It meant “Take _that_ universe”; and it meant “Look at me Mum, I’m okay. I’m going to be okay.”

For the first day since she had conscious thought, she was pleased to be alive and glad that she had been born.


End file.
